How to Do It
I want to make his dream come true.
June 10, 2026 12:17 PM
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Lacheev/iStock/Getty Images Plus.
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I’m a 33-year-old woman engaged to a 36-year-old man. About three months ago, I had my fiancé show me the porn he gets off to. I didn’t think I’d enjoy watching porn, but it turns out, I really do, and I like doing it with him a lot. I knew about most of his kinks ahead of time, but one has revealed itself through this.
He likes women who squirt. I didn’t really think this was a thing before, but I’ve seen enough video to understand that it is, and I’d like to surprise him with it. But, obviously, I’ve never squirted before. So, is this something that I can learn to do? Is there a key to this? I tried looking stuff up online, but half of it is dumb alpha dudes who seem to have a toddler’s understanding of women’s anatomy, and I’d rather not trust that.
—A Wannabe Squirtle
Dear Wannabe Squirtle,
Let’s start with a little bit of porn literacy. Pornography is an entertainment medium that presents sexual fantasies. Unless explicitly stated, it is not a documentary, educational, or sexual research. Even if those qualities are explicitly claimed, you still have to exercise critical thinking around their veracity. Viewers are always missing some information about the conditions that allow for what they see in the production. When it comes to squirting, it could be that the female performer in question is exceptionally comfortable with strangers, that the female performer negotiated for a scene partner she is very comfortable with (known as “having good chemistry”), that a combination of cuts and specific angles allowed for some amount of liquid to be squeezed into the vaginal canal and pushed back out, or other types of movie magic. Squirting is real, a good amount of what you see of it in pornography is real, and yet, the combination of production and bodies means that sometimes it’s a squirting-themed production, the woman’s body isn’t cooperating, and something that resembles squirting has to be arranged; otherwise, several thousand dollars in crew, location, and equipment rentals will be wasted.
The combination of comfort and physical cooperation is the crux of the issue. Squirting, for the vast majority, is not so much a party trick akin to firing a bow and arrow with your toes as it is a phenomenon that can occur under the right conditions. The more pressure you put on trying to make it happen, the less likely it is that you’ll be able to let go. As cool as it would be to surprise your fiancé with the ability to squirt on command, you’re almost certainly better off inviting him to work with you on the kinds of sexual stimulation that tend to make it possible if you want to increase your chances of meeting that goal.
The book Jane Sexes It Up contains an essay from a woman who was involved in early experiments with squirting, and includes several passages discussing the internal sensations and movements that are part of her experience. Friend of the column, and squirting world record holder, Lola Jean has written and spoken about the subject many times . Here’s the short version: A healthy pelvic floor, a significant amount of comfort with your partner, and sexual arousal all help. G-spot stimulation is your friend, probably because of all the clitoral tissue in that area. I highly recommend immersing yourself in what Lola Jean has to say, and the thoughts and experiences of other people who, themselves, squirt. Squirting can be immensely pleasurable to pursue and experience, but it can also be so performative that, while your body does the action, there’s no sexual pleasure in it for you. Err on the side of joy and connection.
—Jessica
More Advice From Slate
I’ve had somewhere around 15 to 20 sexual partners during my life and the sex has ranged from very disappointing to quite good and very satisfying. But a decade ago, I spent a month having the most electric, mind-blowing, hot sex of my life with a guy. The chemistry I felt with him was off the charts. There wasn’t something different about the type of sex, the moves were all the same tried and true sex positions. So the difference must have been the guy. He wasn’t classic Hollywood hot, but then years later I can still picture his face perfectly and find him so so attractive. We weren’t compatible for a romantic relationship, so it ended, but I have been hung up on that sex since then.
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