My Older Male Co-Workers Are Making Insinuations About Me and My Boss. I Don’t Want to Hear It.

Good Job

June 16, 2026 1:30 PM

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by AaronAmat/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here . (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I’m a young woman working in medicine as a tech. I truly like working with patients and helping people. I recently finished a shadowing program that turned into a full-time job. Here’s where my issue is. I was recommended for the shadowing program by a friend of mine, whom I met at a previous job. He works at the hospital, and now that I’ve been formally hired, he is technically my boss. I like having a familiar face here. However, most of my colleagues are older men.

They love to make snarky remarks about how I “used myself” to get to where I am, referring to my friendship with my boss. I’m pretty young for this specific job, so it’s just a bunch of 40-to-50-year-old-men saying these things to and around me. I have vented this to my partner, who thinks that it sucks, but I should just get used to it. What in the world can I do?

—Tech Girl

Dear Tech Girl,

I’m so sorry that your first job in the medical field has been so horrible. I’m so grossed out by these older men sexually harassing you, but I’m also side-eyeing your partner’s “just get used to it” shrug. You don’t have to “just get used to it”! First, you need to document every time someone says something inappropriate to you. Make note of who it was, the time, what was said, and whether there was anyone else around. When you have this documentation (which you should keep a copy of at home), I would go to your boss and tell him what’s going on. Hopefully he will put a stop to it, but if he doesn’t, the next stop is HR. HR’s role is to protect the company, and that means protecting the company from a potential sexual harassment lawsuit. They need to tell these guys to stop or their jobs are on the line. I don’t know why they think it’s OK to make these kinds of comments, but they need to stop.

—Doree

Classic Prudie

Nearly a decade ago, I met my best friend, L. He’s male, I’m female, and we have been the closest of friends ever since, speaking daily, and being involved in each other’s families. At first, we both thought something more might come of this friendship, but instead we remained friends and he came out as gay five years ago. Four years ago, I married a wonderful man with an unfortunate jealous streak who has been wary of L from Day 1 because he knows we flirted with a relationship in the past. L and I have both struggled with mental health issues, but we are both doing well now. We speak very openly about these struggles with one another, which is also something that bothers my husband. (He still sees mental illness as something of a stigma.) Recently L moved across the country and has now asked me to join him. He wants to settle down and have a family and long-term relationship while carrying on an open sexual relationship.

Never miss new Slate Advice columns

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.

Advice

Workplace

Jobs