'Bitter colleagues are making work hell now I’m in charge'

Agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader whose colleagues at work are driving her mad, damaging her confidence and ruining things for her. Why won't they do what she asks?

08:01, 19 Jun 2026

Dear Coleen,

I’m a woman in my 20s and I got a new job about a year ago, which I love and things are generally great. However, I manage a couple of people, who are obstructive and difficult. I constantly need to chase them for work and answers, and it’s driving me mad and affecting my confidence.

I feel like they deliberately drag their heels on every little thing I ask them to do. They’re both older than me and have been at the company for several years, so I suppose they might not have taken well to me being parachuted in above them.

The thing is, I have a responsibility to the rest of the team and also want to show my bosses that I’m doing a good job, but I’m struggling. I’m not massively experienced as a manager, so their behaviour is really playing into my insecurities.

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I don’t want to involve anyone above me at this stage because I want to show I can cope with challenges and get the best out of my team. Any advice will be very welcome.

Coleen says,

You deserve to be where you are, your bosses have confidence in you, so you have to own it and start acting like a boss. That doesn’t mean being a scary or horrible boss – it just means showing people you’re in charge.

I think it helps to give people definitive deadlines that you can follow up on if they’re not met. Be very clear about what you expect when you delegate tasks. Maybe some team building exercises could help in terms of people feeling positive and included.

But I think the fundamental thing for you is to start believing in yourself the way your bosses believe in you. You are the best person for the job and if some people don’t like it, that’s their issue to deal with. It’s frustrating, but it shouldn’t make you question yourself or your ability to do the job.

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You could always ask to do some management courses to add to your skills and help build confidence. I think that shows you’re willing to learn and improve, and that you take your role seriously.

It always takes a bit of time to settle into a role and find your feet. You learn from being challenged and you will start to feel more comfortable in your job the more you do it.

You’ll make mistakes because we all do, but the important thing is to learn from them. Managing people is a skill, but whoever gave you the job believes you have the potential to do it well.

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Coleen’s words of wisdom

Mindfulness is about taking a pause and bringing your attention back to the present. Taking some deep, slow breaths to calm your nervous system. Focusing on what’s around you – the sun on your face, the coffee in your hand.

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