My Mother-in-Law Treats My Wife Horribly. Our Daughter Accidentally Might Have Saved Us All.

Care and Feeding

June 12, 2026 1:50 PM

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Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column.  Have a question for Care and Feeding?  Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

My mother-in-law, “Fran,” is impossible. There’s no pleasing her, and every time she’s over, it becomes a litany of my wife’s faults and criticisms of how she’s running our household and raising our two kids, ages 3 and 7. I’ve bitten my tongue because she’s my wife’s mother. The last time I spoke up, my wife told me to “stay out of it.”

A few days ago, when Fran dressed down my wife yet again, our 3-year-old, “Zoey,” angrily said, “Gramma, you’re a bitch!” Fran looked as if she’d had a bucket of ice water dumped over her and stormed out. Now she’s demanding that we make Zoey apologize, or she’ll never come back. My wife thinks she needs to apologize; I say our daughter solved our problem for us, and there’s no way she should have to. Team Zoey for the win, right?

—Someone Finally Said It

Dear Finally,

Multiple things are true here: Your mother-in-law is a bitch, its inappropriate for a child to call her one AND the fact that she did is hilarious. Unfortunately, your wife is unlikely to see the humor for the foreseeable future. Zoey should be made to apologize. You have to explain to her the problem with what she said; when she’s an adult, you two can have a big laugh about it—and hopefully your wife will join in, too.

You should also let your wife know that it’s hard for you to watch her mother speak down to her, and that you won’t be able to sit back and let that happen anymore. When your mother-in-law gets back on her bullshit, either leave the room or check her for speaking to your wife out of turn. Maybe your wife refuses to recognize that what her mother is doing is wrong, or maybe she’s simply defeated by years of mistreatment. Walking away may be your best bet, unfortunately. Get your kids out the room when it happens, too.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband, “Rick,” and I are at odds over what the consequences should be for our 14-year-old son, “Josh,” after he covered the house of his now-former middle school principal with toilet paper and pelted it with eggs.

The night after he graduated from middle school, Josh snuck out and met up with a group of friends at “Mr. Smith’s” house to commit the vandalism. The police were called, and the boys were caught just over a block away afterward. Unfortunately, the eggs stained part of Mr. Smith’s paint job. Rick and I, along with the other parents, split the cost of repairs in exchange for Mr. Smith not pressing charges.

My husband and I purchased a new dirt bike for Josh to celebrate his middle school graduation. I think we should return it to teach him a lesson about committing property damage for his own amusement. Rick seems more annoyed that our son and his friends got caught and that we had to pay $250 than he is about our son engaging in criminal mischief. He says getting rid of the dirt bike is excessive—his excuse is that he did similar things at his teachers’ homes when he was Josh’s age—and that our son should simply be grounded from it for a month instead. Please tell me my position is the correct one.

—Eggs Not Over Easy

Dear Eggs,

I don’t necessarily think either of you are correct. I can understand your husband feeling like the loss of the dirt bike for good is too extreme, but I agree with you that merely losing it for a month doesn’t seem to fit the crime. I propose a compromise: Consider grounding Josh from everything for a month, or take away the dirt bike for two months. Let your husband know that the world has changed since he was a boy, and pranks like the one your son committed can have more serious consequences than they once did, Your family is lucky that Mr. Smith was kind enough not to press charges. Also, make sure that your husband isn’t belittling the significance of your son’s hijinx when he’s talking to him.

—Jamilah

More Parenting Advice From Slate

My partner and I are having a sudden wedding. There’s no pregnancy or otherwise forced factor in this—it’s a choice we’re making for each other, and we’re very pleased with it. The problem is my in-laws. My parents and I developed strong boundaries as I transitioned to adulthood, but my partner and her parents did not, and they are taking our decision to marry in this way as a personal affront, despite the fact that they are invited to the wedding and will have a place of honor in it. Their disgruntlement still comes up in every call and text.

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