My Mother-in-Law Never Comes to Anything Without Her Special Red Cooler. I’m Mortified by What’s Inside

Dear Prudence

She has got to stop doing this.

Advice by

Jenée Desmond-Harris

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June 18, 2026 6:00 AM

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Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here .

Dear Prudence,

My mother-in-law has an embarrassing and unethical habit regarding bringing outside food into events where it is banned. We’re not talking about putting a couple granola bars in her purse—she will pack whatever food her heart desires in a large, red cooler with a First Aid symbol on it and will lie about having severe Celiac disease so she can bring it in. She even acquired a forged doctor’s note in case security asks for it (which has only happened once, most places take her word for it). She doesn’t even have mild dietary restrictions; she is just a massive cheapskate and openly admits it.

The foods she chooses to bring are never discreet either. She recently brought an entire rotisserie chicken to a baseball game, which she gleefully cut up and shared with my husband and our children (I did not partake), oblivious to the weird looks from others around us. She has prepared an entire charcuterie board inside a water park. I’ve told her that she’s taking advantage of a system designed to accommodate people that have genuine medical conditions, but she just brushes it off and tells me that any system that charges $20 for a beer is not a system she wants to be a part of.

My husband doesn’t think this is worth getting into a major conflict over, because she has been doing this for years, and he doesn’t think she’ll stop anytime soon regardless of how I feel about it. I’m tempted to lay down the law and tell her that I won’t continue to attend any outings with her if she does this. Is this too harsh? I wish there was a middle ground I could find, but I don’t know what kind of compromise I can propose to her that won’t compromise my values.

—Tired of Lunch With a Side of Lies

Dear Tired,

A rotisserie chicken! Wow, she’s bold. A while back, someone wrote in about a mother-in-law packing Tupperware containers with buffet food, and my somewhat dismissive response was met with replies from readers who instead said that no, this behavior really did affect the letter writer and was deeply embarrassing. So I guess whether the ultimatum you’re contemplating is too harsh depends on a calculation that only you can make. What would feel worse: Watching this woman pull a meatloaf out of her fake cooler (and wondering if the people who notice her doing it are judging you along with her) every time you to a concert with her for the rest of your life? Or having a fractured relationship with her (and probably a little bit of a tense one with your husband), spending the rest of your life in a marriage that involves not being able to attend the same family events as a result of the boundary you drew? Personally, I’d roll my eyes and decide not to stress too much about it, but there’s no such thing as “too harsh” if you really feel you can’t live this way anymore. Just be prepared when your kids (who it seems are used to MIL’s antics) expect grilled cheese sandwiches when you take them to the movies!

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Dear Prudence,

Since our kids are now grown and moved out, my wife and I don’t produce nearly the amount of garbage that we once did. This has led to an unexpected and frustrating response from our next-door neighbors. I’ve caught both of them throwing bags of their garbage into our container on our security cam on the night before garbage pickup. I’ve tried approaching them and asking them not to do this, and the response has been that we shouldn’t care because we have the space and they have three little kids. That’s not the point. The neighbors are taking advantage of a service we’re paying for instead of ordering an extra container for themselves. My wife says we should ignore it. I’m ready to march out there the next time it happens and dump the bags of trash all over their lawn. What can be done to shut down this entitled behavior?

—Trash Trespassers

Dear Trespassers,

OK, I’ll admit that while my knee-jerk response was to tell you to think about whether, when you are in your deathbed, you’ll be happy that you dedicated time to obsessing over trash cans, your neighbors’ dismissive response was infuriating. I can see why you feel violated. G…