My Friend Asked Me for a Professional Favor. Helping Her Would Be a Disaster for Me.

Good Job

June 16, 2026 1:30 PM

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Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here . (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I love my friend “Sally,” and we’ve known each other since kindergarten. She’s very bright and empathetic, and she’s a great friend. But she’s a terrible employee and has cycled through countless jobs and three attempts at a degree.

She has maybe the worst ADHD of anyone I’ve ever met, and truly no sense of time. She’s been fired multiple times for lateness and time management. But it’s not just work she’s late for. She also misses special things in her own life. For example, she misses out on things like vacations she planned for a year, because she missed the flight. A concert she saved up for for months, because she overslept and didn’t catch the train.

She takes medication for it, but her ADHD is pretty much uncontrolled. She goes to therapy when she has insurance but it doesn’t seem to help. Ultimately, it’s her life and I can’t fix it for her, as much as I wish I could.

However, she’s unemployed again and asked me to refer her to an opening at my job. I know it won’t work out for her. I have a lot of pull at my small company, but I don’t think this would be a fit for her or us. It’s a job where time is very strict. I tried telling her it would be a bad fit because of this, but she is worried about money and asked me to refer her anyway. How do I handle this? Her friendship is very important to me but this is a guaranteed trainwreck professionally.

—Friendship vs. Work

Dear Friendship vs. Work,

I can tell by your letter that you’re a really caring, thoughtful friend, and I appreciate that you’re not trying to “fix” Sally or solve her problems for her. That said, I think the best option (besides just lying to Sally and saying you referred her when you didn’t) is to let your work know that your friend Sally is applying and leave it at that, or if you’re at a larger company with an internal referral system, just refer her internally and let the rest of the job search process take its course. My sense as someone who has been on both sides of the internal referral process is that it gets you about five extra seconds of review with the recruiter, but after that, it barely gives you a leg up, especially if it’s just done perfunctorily. People can read between the lines when you’re not giving someone a full-throated endorsement, and it will be clear from her resume that she’s most likely not a fit. But you can tell her you referred her internally with a clear conscience.

I feel for Sally because having this kind of uncontrolled ADHD is really tough. I can’t imagine that she wants to miss important life events like big vacations or concerts, or not finish her degree and get fired from her job. It’s also hard being this person’s friend, though, because it can feel like they’re constantly letting you down. You said her friendship is very important to you, so I would probably just make sure that Sally knows you’re there for her. Ultimately though, it’s going to be up to her to figure out what the right approach—whether it’s different meds, therapies, coaching, etc.—is going to help.

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Dear Good Job,

In January, I lost my job. Seemingly overnight, I went from excellent performance reviews to being told my performance was unacceptable. My manager switched all communication with me to AI-written (it was obvious compared to before). He ignored me when I tried to take him up on his offer to discuss further. I was fired a week later; I still don’t know what I did wrong.

I know this sounds overblown, but this has deeply shaken my trust in other people; I still have nightmares about it. I try to filter in interviews for workplaces that value proactive communication and compassion, and I really believed this was one of those. I don’t know what changed, or whether it was ever true. The thought of applying for jobs and risking this happening again terrifies me. Unfortunately, I also have bills. (I am in therapy, etc.) How can I bring myself to work again?

—On Leave

Dear On Leave,

I’m so, so sorry that this happened to you. One of the consequences of the advent of AI has been that cowardly people like your former manager can just hide behind AI-generated messages that they probably don’t even proofread and avoid any sort of confrontation. I honestly fear for the future of any remotely awkward human interaction. What I hope will make you feel a tiny bit better is that this reads to me like your company was under a directive to cut costs and people like your manager w…