My Biggest Fears About My Mom Were Just Confirmed. I Dread the Call I’ll Get Next.

Dear Prudence

I’m worried sick.

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Jenée Desmond-Harris

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June 17, 2026 6:00 AM

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Dear Prudence,

I am at my wits’ end over what to do about my 82-year-old mother. Several days ago, I received a call from one of her friends who goes bowling with her. He said he follows her home after they finish each time (unbeknownst to her) to make sure she gets back safely, and this past time, he saw something that concerned him.

She was weaving all over the road. I’ve had my concerns about her driving for the last year; she recently took out my mailbox when she came to visit my family. Her excuse was that she was putting away her phone and was distracted. My previous conversations with her, requesting that she get her driving skills checked, have resulted in her becoming furious and accusing me of trying to take away her independence. Now I’m dreading that I’ll be getting a call in the near future that she’s been in an accident and she’s injured or killed herself and/or someone else. Is there some way I can compel her to be evaluated before there’s a tragedy?

—Trying to Get the Keys

Dear Trying to Get the Keys,

Most states provide a way for you to make an anonymous “unsafe driver” report to the DMV, which can lead to input from the person’s doctor or a retest of their vision or driving skills. Since your mom got so mad when you tried to raise this directly, I give you permission to go behind her back and use this option. Or, if you have the type of mother-daughter relationship that means she’s less offended by other people who aren’t as close to her, her bowling buddy could try bringing the results of his detective work to her and encouraging her to get off the road.

In the meantime, start thinking about how she’ll get around if she’s not driving. It sounds like she’s still very active, so it makes sense that she would hate the idea of being stuck at home without transportation. Be prepared with a list of options that are within her (or your) budget—rideshare services, a shuttle for seniors, public transportation, or being chauffeured by her loving daughter (if you’re available and willing). The friend who’s already driving the route to her house to keep an eye on her seems like an obvious option for a ride to bowling, for example.

Her strong negative reaction to your attempt to talk to her about her driving skills probably had more to do with fear and sadness about how her life will likely change in the coming years than anything else. If you can help her create a vision of that life that isn’t isolating or depressing, she’ll be a lot more agreeable about this and the many tough conversations that lie ahead.

Classic Prudie

I recently moved to a neighborhood where it’s relatively common for people to allow their dogs to roam the neighborhood freely—a practice that seems outrageous to me. There is one dog in particular that keeps showing up in my yard. Though he is very sweet, he is not neutered, does not have a collar or microchip, and was filthy and covered in fleas when I found him. He seems to be well-fed and otherwise healthy. I took the dog in, put up a few lost dog signs, and learned from another concerned neighbor who the owners are…

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