I Found My Unemployed Girlfriend a Good Job. The Way She “Repaid” Me Is Unacceptable.

Good Job

June 18, 2026 6:00 AM

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Good Job   is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small?  Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here . (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

My girlfriend has been out of work for over a year, and I’ve been paying for all our expenses. I figured she’d find a new job in a few months, but it hasn’t happened. What bothers me is that she doesn’t seem to be trying to get a new job. I know the economy is not great right now, but I also don’t think she’s trying every possible avenue. I think when you’ve been out of work for so long, any job is a good job, but she finds excuses. For example, she’ll say the commute is too long or that it doesn’t sound like a place that would offer much upward mobility.

Recently, I heard through a friend that a restaurant was desperate for a cashier. She worked as a cashier in college, and I had already helped her write a customer service-focused resume. I urged her to go to the restaurant first thing Monday. She didn’t go. On Tuesday, I reminded her about this. She made an excuse and didn’t go. A whole week went by. Finally, 10 days later, she went to drop off her resume, and of course, they’d hired someone.

We fought about this, and she accused me of being unfair because I can support both of us with my salary. This is true, but it’s not sustainable long-term. I’m not sure how to address this because when I bring it up, she says everything will be fine. I’m really stressed.

—Job Problem

Dear Job Problem,

You started with a job problem, but now you have a relationship problem. It is exhausting, isolating, and demoralizing to look for work, and it’s hard to say why your girlfriend isn’t trying harder. But she is taking advantage of your support, and that’s not good for either of you.

If you haven’t yet, explain to her why supporting her long-term isn’t sustainable. You may be able to cover the bills now, but presumably you want to be able to afford vacations, invest for retirement, and maintain an emergency fund. Your own job may seem secure, but no job is safe from the grifters , conspiracy theorists , and AI hype artists who are undermining the global economy. If you lose your job while she’s not working, it could be a disaster for both of you. For her benefit, working would give her financial independence, build her social and professional networks, improve her credit score, and help her learn new skills.

It can be hard to take advice from a romantic partner. You helped her revise her resume and told her about open jobs. But she needs more help than you can give or that she can accept from you. Tell her, with humility, that you don’t have enough expertise in the job hunt to help more than you already have, and suggest that she talk to other people with fresh perspectives. (This is, of course, another bit of advice, but meta-advice.) Suggest she speak with the career center in the college she attended, check in with colleagues from former workplaces, find offerings from your local library, or look into training that would make her eligible for additional types of work.

It won’t be easy, but I think you have to express three main points: your financial support isn’t sustainable; she needs to find other resources to renew her job search; and you want a relationship where you share similar aspirations for financial security and the future. Beware that foundation-shaking conversations can get ugly fast: “So you’re saying you care more about vacations than about me ?” Be prepared to take a break and come back to this ongoing conversation later. You’re not being unfair; you’re being honest about your side of this relationship. Good luck.

Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.

Dear Good Job,

I’ve been working in tech for about 20 years and have been at the same company for five years in various business units. My work experience is mainly in two different roles that are two sides of the same coin; think travel designer and a trip organizer. When I joined the team, I saw a gap in “travel design” that was not being filled, so I did some of that work along with my “trip organizer” duties, and tried to flag to the leadership team that the design function was lacking and was told, “Don’t worry about it.” It would’ve been detrimental to my team to ignore it entirely, so I tried to nudge things along in the design department while handling my organizer duties.

The manager I got when I joined was new to management and micromanaged me, took personal offense to everything, and did…