Is it true love or 'love bombing'? When intense affection turns into emotional control

Sue Knudtson, 35, says her life changed when an acquaintance gave her his phone number during her late teens. The two began dating, and he lavished her with praise, calling her perfect, the woman he'd waited for all his life. He treated her to expensive meals, sent her flowers, and texted her frequently throughout the day. At first, Knudtson believed she had found true love. Over time, however, the relationship shifted. Her boyfriend began monitoring her communications, questioning her interactions with others, and making her feel as though she must obey him or risk losing him. She described feeling trapped, as if she would be left alone without him. This behavior, she learned later, was part of a psychological strategy known as "love bombing." Love bombing is a term used to describe an intense, overwhelming display of affection and attention in the early stages of a relationship. It can resemble genuine romance, but it often serves as a precursor to emotional manipulation and control. According to Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and professor emerita at California State University, Los Angeles, love bombing involves idealization and seduction that eventually leads to emotional exploitation. The concept of love bombing originated in the 1970s with the Unification Church, a South Korean religious group that critics and former members have labeled as a cult. Members were often showered with affection and praise to encourage recruitment. Today, the term is more broadly applied to relationships where one person showers another with excessive attention and admiration. Psychologists such as Chitra Raghavan, a specialist in power dynamics within intimate partner abuse, note that love bombing is frequently observed in cases of domestic violence. While there are no definitive statistics linking love bombing directly to abuse, Raghavan reports encountering it in nearly every domestic violence case she has studied. Love bombers often use exaggerated compliments to make their partners feel special, suggesting that only they can truly appreciate their worth. These compliments are tailored to exploit personal insecurities. A love bomber might reassure someone who doubts their attractiveness that they are beautiful or affirm the intelligence of someone who feels inadequate. The constant communication, texts, calls, visits, can create a sense of dependency and urgency, making the victim feel as though they need the relationship to survive. Some love bombers also hint at future commitments, such as discussing plans for a home or children, to accelerate the relationship's progression. These gestures, according to Durvasula, can blur the lines between genuine affection and calculated manipulation. The intensity of love bombing can disorient victims, preventing them from critically evaluating the relationship. As Raghavan explains, the overwhelming nature of the attention can prevent individuals from questioning why things are happening so quickly or how they genuinely feel. This creates a vulnerable state where the victim may not recognize the signs of manipulation until it is too late. Not all individuals who exhibit love bombing behaviors become abusers, and researchers remain uncertain about the motivations behind such actions. Some may not intend harm, while others may be unaware of the impact of their behavior. Additionally, abusers often fail to see themselves as perpetrators, instead viewing themselves as loving partners. As the relationship progresses, the initial euphoria of love bombing may give way to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and confusion. Victims may struggle to understand the change in dynamics, especially if they were initially drawn to the intense attention. Without external support or awareness of the patterns, many remain trapped in cycles of emotional control.