Care and Feeding
I hate this.
June 15, 2026 6:00 AM
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Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .
Dear Care and Feeding,
I live in a state with terrible education, and I’m in the core of a large city with a complex school system. I’m stressed out all the time about what to do for my kids. It’s really important to me that they get a great education. My oldest will start elementary school soon.
The public elementary near us is good, and better funded than most, but still not comparable to public elementary in other states. After grade 5, we’d feed into a failing middle school. There’s a robust charter school system, with good outcomes, but it’s confusing to navigate. Each charter has its own niche/philosophy and admission is limited, so I have to put my kids into a lottery.
There’s private, which we can afford (nix any big expenses for the foreseeable future), but the culture is far from what I’m used to. Private has been our top choice because it feels safest if we really want the best education. But the admissions process is ridiculous. We aren’t alumni or otherwise associated with the schools, and it’s obvious our family isn’t a priority. After interviews, testing, etc., at three private schools, it still might not work out in time for kindergarten. We could move to a sprawling, wealthy suburb if I want good public schools, but we’d have to sacrifice our lifestyle. Where I live is walkable to great parks, restaurants, cafes, and health and fitness organizations. It’s diverse, I heard four languages at the park last weekend. Suburban life, in a state like this, won’t be like that.
I’d move out of state, but our families live here, and it’s no small feat to leave your support system with small children. My partner and I really like our jobs and our city. I’m totally resentful about the position I’m in. But I’m here, and I have to make a choice. Do you have any basic guidelines for picking a school? Advice?
—Stressed Over Schools
Dear Stressed Over Schools,
Unfortunately, this is a common but still very tough predicament that so many families are forced into in our country. At the end of the day, we all want our kids to be in a school that is the best for them emotionally, socially, and educationally, but finding that balance—along with balancing community desires and other family needs—can feel overwhelming and sometimes impossible.
Although no two families are the same, it’s important to pull in the lived experiences of other families you know locally. For example, I’m from Chicago but recently moved to Tallahassee, Florida, and how I navigated Chicago Public Schools was totally different from how I’ve had to navigate the public school system here. The system here encompasses the entire county and not just the city; the busing system is part of the school system, and it isn’t outsourced to outside companies; and schools might say they have special education services, but it’s unclear what level of student they can serve.
Talk to a bunch of different families about their choices and how they made decisions for their families. Let that help you start drafting a pro and cons list. For example, would you be willing to give up your diverse, walkable community for a less diverse, spread-out suburb if you could spend the weekends doing activities in the city and meeting up with friends and family? Or would you rather stay in the city because you value your community and can supplement schooling with tutoring and other educational resources?
I don’t think moving out of state is necessary, since it’s not something either you or your partner actually wants to do. You have some good options locally—just not the perfect one. So, it’ll take some give and take to make it work. The good news is that families make these decisions every day and still land on a choice that works for their kid and a routine that they’re happy with. I’m sure you will, too.
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Dear Care and Feeding,
Should I go old school with my picky eater? I’m losing my mind over how picky my 7-and-a-half-year-old is, and it seems to be getting worse, not better. Following the division of responsibilities (DOR) and offering one safe food with each meal feels like a joke at this point. Serving a “safe food” with each meal feels no different than making a separate meal. Making one meal that can be modified for picky eaters is proving difficult because there are SO MANY things she won’t eat. Not pressuring her to eat has not resulted in her being naturally curious about trying new foods; it has just solidified her identity as a picky eater. Yes…
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