Rafael Santandreu, psychologue: "La beauté physique, l'intelligence et les compétences ne servent à rien. La seule chose qui donne le bonheur est de ne pas se plaindre et d'apprécier ce que vous avez.

Rafael Santandreu, a psychologist speaking at the B3TTER Podcast, asserted that physical beauty, intelligence, and specific skills serve no purpose in achieving happiness. He argued that these traits are deceptive qualities often mistaken for the foundation of personal value. According to Santandreu, the sole path to well-being involves ceasing to complain and appreciating what one already possesses. This perspective challenges common societal narratives that link self-worth to external achievements or attributes. The discussion took place against the backdrop of fluctuating self-esteem levels throughout the year. Self-confidence tends to rise during periods such as the start of a new year, the arrival of pleasant weather, or before vacations. Conversely, low self-esteem frequently emerges during daily difficulties, including workplace conflicts, family crises, or relationship problems. When private life becomes difficult, individuals often doubt their abilities and feel they fall short of expectations. Santandreu noted that this lack of self-value spills over into other areas of life, causing people to lose confidence in taking on new professional challenges, distancing themselves from loved ones, or succumbing to continuous apathy. In his intervention, Santandreu described physical appearance, intellect, and talent as three trap qualities. He explained that despite social pressure, these attributes do not contribute to happiness when used as the basis for self-worth. Instead, he posited that many people suffer because they focus exclusively on what is missing, what they cannot do, or how others perceive them. He urged listeners to shift their focus toward appreciating what is already present in their lives. Santandreu acknowledged that perfection is impossible and that everyone has limitations. He admitted that if told he was foolish, he would agree, stating that it is impossible to be smart in everything. However, he emphasized that accepting these limitations does not lead to happiness. He warned that believing these traits are crucial is a fundamental error. If a person truly internalizes the idea that these external factors are irrelevant, their self-esteem issues resolve significantly. In that case, an individual can view themselves as wonderfully unique because the truly important aspect is the capacity to love life and others. He concluded that this capacity exists within everyone, though it may sometimes be obscured by neuroses, yet it remains the only factor that counts. Separately, Jose Gonzalez Fernandez, a psychologist specializing in grief processes, offered insights in his book, Sadness Cures. Born in Madrid on April 18, 1980, Gonzalez argues that sadness is not a problem but a pathway. He contends that overcoming pain requires learning to traverse it with respect, awareness, and tenderness, rather than silencing emotions or treating suffering as a quick administrative task. His work suggests that allowing oneself to connect with crying without interrupting the process results in very brief periods of sadness. Gonzalez criticized modern society for being overly focused on positive emotions while penalizing negative ones, which are necessary for processing losses such as death, breakups, or project failures. He termed this cultural tendency thanatophobia, an avoidance of death that extends to other uncomfortable emotions. He observed that even among psychologists, the term negative emotions implies that such feelings should be hidden. He argued that confusing well-being with emotional anesthesia leads to a false, less intense happiness. He highlighted that sadness generates empathy, noting that humans instinctively comfort sad animals. Crying, he stated, is the first form of human communication and comes pre-installed in our physiology. Society increasingly minimizes unpleasant emotions like anger, envy, and guilt. For example, divorce is often celebrated quickly, bypassing necessary moments of sorrow. While there is some space for grief in the death of elderly parents, partners are often encouraged to find new relationships immediately after a breakup. Gonzalez suggested that understanding the utility of each emotion through evolution and natural selection is key to living fully. He noted that professionals who work with death, like himself, are often very enjoyable people because acknowledging finitude allows them to live with greater fullness and prioritize what truly matters.