Opening doors, putting my mum first. That's how Dad taught me to be a gentleman

Andrew Lim, 34, described how his father, Dr Alvin Lim, 68, instilled in him values of respect and care through everyday actions. The story, shared in a feature published by Channel NewsAsia on July 31, 2026, highlights the subtle yet profound influence of parental behavior on personal relationships. According to the article, Mr Lim recalled growing up in a household where his father consistently demonstrated acts of consideration, such as opening doors for his mother and others. These gestures, initially perceived as routine, became a model for Mr Lim’s understanding of love and responsibility in relationships. The narrative begins with Mr Lim reflecting on his early childhood, noting that his mother rarely opened doors for herself. Instead, his father would anticipate her needs, ensuring she was always assisted. This habit extended beyond their immediate family, as Dr Lim often held doors open for strangers, reinforcing a sense of duty and kindness. For Mr Lim, these actions were once taken for granted, but upon observing other families and entering the dating world, he began to appreciate the uniqueness of his upbringing. A pivotal moment in Mr Lim’s recollection occurred during his early years. At age four, his father guided him while walking on a sidewalk, instructing him to stay close to the road side. When asked why, his father explained it was to ensure safety, suggesting that if a vehicle approached, it would strike him rather than his mother. Though the explanation seemed exaggerated at the time, Mr Lim later realized the lesson transcended physical safety, it was about prioritizing the well-being of loved ones. This concept influenced his approach to relationships, leading him to subconsciously adopt similar protective behaviors when walking with his dates. Another key aspect of Dr Lim’s parenting style was his tendency to apologize first in conflicts. Despite acknowledging that neither parent was infallible, Mr Lim noted that his father frequently initiated apologies, not necessarily due to wrongdoing, but to preserve harmony within the family. His father’s rationale, “cut your losses”, was initially confusing to Mr Lim, who struggled to reconcile it with his belief in standing firm when justified. Over time, however, he came to understand that maintaining emotional connections often outweighed the need to assert personal correctness. The article further notes that while both parents occasionally apologized, Dr Lim’s father consistently led the effort, emphasizing the importance of nurturing relationships over individual pride. This dynamic, according to Mr Lim, shaped his perspective on love and commitment, influencing his interactions with partners and reinforcing the value of selflessness in relationships. As the piece concludes, Mr Lim reflects on the enduring impact of his father’s teachings, recognizing that the principles learned in childhood continue to guide his adult life. The story serves as a testament to the quiet power of consistent, thoughtful behavior in shaping personal values and relational dynamics.