Mia Arderne's foul-mouthed guide to being a better person

Mia Arderne’s How to Stop Being a Ni has ignited both fascination and controversy since its release, blending raw language with sharp social commentary. The book, written in Kaaps, a colloquial form of Afrikaans, features a protagonist named Lucian, a 45-year-old DJ grappling with personal and professional decline. His journey through self-improvement, framed as a series of nine steps, serves as the narrative backbone of the novel. The title itself, laden with expletives, immediately signals the unapologetic tone of the work, which has drawn mixed reactions from readers and critics alike. The story unfolds against the backdrop of Cape Town, where Lucian’s life unravels amid failed relationships, career stagnation, and familial tension. His character is portrayed as a “classic ni”, a term Arderne defines in the book as someone lacking empathy and consideration. The narrative is interspersed with self-help exercises, quizzes, and typologies such as “The Joller” and “The Deluxe ni,” which aim to categorize different forms of selfish behavior. These elements, while humorous at first glance, gradually shift toward introspection, prompting readers to reflect on their own actions and values. A key feature of the book is its inclusion of a glossary, which provides context for the frequent use of profanity and the cultural significance of the term “ni.” This section invites readers to engage with the text critically, offering space for personal annotations. Additionally, each chapter is paired with a curated playlist, ranging from soul classics like Bill Withers’ Lean on Me to contemporary tracks by Karyn White. These musical selections serve to enhance the emotional resonance of the narrative, creating a layered reading experience that blends humor with sincerity. The book also delves into themes of generational conflict and inherited behavior, particularly through Lucian’s strained relationship with his father. This subplot adds depth to the narrative, suggesting that the traits labeled as “niery” may stem from broader societal and familial patterns. Arderne’s assertion that “niery is a measure of morality” underscores the book’s central thesis, that self-awareness and accountability are essential for personal growth. Despite its provocative style, the book has been praised for its ability to challenge readers to examine their own lives. The interactive format, including reflective questions and exercises, encourages participation rather than passive consumption. Some readers have noted that the profanity, while initially off-putting, eventually becomes a tool for authenticity, allowing the narrative to break free from conventional literary norms. However, not all responses have been positive. A few critics argue that the heavy reliance on swearing and self-help tropes risks overshadowing the more serious themes. Others suggest that the book’s approach could come across as performative, prioritizing shock value over meaningful critique. Nevertheless, the book has generated considerable buzz, with several colleagues at the Independent Online reporting that they are eager to read it themselves. Arderne, known for her candid and often controversial public persona, has expressed hope that the book resonates with readers. Her claim that “there is a bit of a n**i in all of us” suggests a deliberate attempt to foster connection and self-reflection. Whether this succeeds remains to be seen, but the book’s impact is already evident in its widespread discussion and the conversations it has sparked among readers.