A Spanish psychologist reveals why self-love redefines the way we choose a mate

A Spanish psychologist has revealed how self-love is reshaping the way individuals choose their romantic partners, according to a recent interview with La Nación. Elizabeth Clapés, a 28-year-old psychologist, author, speaker, and teacher specializing in self-esteem and interpersonal relationships, discusses this theme in her latest book, Así es como lo verás mañana. The book explores how modern society, accustomed to immediacy, struggles to cope with pain and suffering. Clapés argues that pain must be faced and processed rather than avoided or suppressed. She explains that if pain is ignored or hidden, it will eventually resurface because it represents energy that needs to be channeled. Her insights have gained traction through her previous works, which include Tú no eres el problema, Perderte para encontrarme, Hasta que te caigas bien, and Querida yo: tenemos que hablar. These books have reached over 500,000 readers, and she has amassed 1.5 million followers on social media, where her career began. What sets Clapés apart from other professionals with a digital presence is her ability to make psychology accessible and relatable. Her language and use of simple analogies have made her a trusted figure among young people who are used to hearing clinical terms and advice from peers or specialists with exclusive or distant discourse. Clapés was torn between studying psychiatry or becoming a writer during high school. Raised in a family of doctors, she was advised to pursue a field related to medicine before dedicating herself to writing. She ultimately chose psychology, driven primarily by the desire to help others. After starting her practice and sharing knowledge on social media, her inbox overflowed with messages, making one-on-one sessions with patients unsustainable. Today, she runs esmipsicologa.com, a platform for integrative health where she oversees 50 professionals from medicine, psychology, and nutrition. While she no longer takes individual patients, she continues to assist others through books, training programs, workshops, conferences, and supervising patients of other colleagues. During her visit to Buenos Aires, Clapés spoke with La Nación about the role of self-love in shaping relationship choices. She addressed whether there is a societal intolerance for enduring long or uncomfortable processes. Although today's generation is often referred to as the "crystal generation," she does not believe this phenomenon is unique to youth. Previous generations had their own ways of coping with pain, such as substance abuse. However, she notes that the difference lies in the current attempt to find solutions to these problems or discomforts. When asked how to navigate pain effectively, Clapés emphasizes the necessity of facing and processing it. Ignoring the grieving process or avoiding it can lead to unresolved issues manifesting as physical symptoms or ailments. Pain, she says, is a signal that something in life demands change. In her book, she recommends allowing pain to pass while being accompanied by self-compassion and avoiding stagnation. She refers to these experiences as "precursors of change," indicating situations that compel individuals to alter aspects of their environment, such as their job, partner, or making a significant decision. In essence, pain serves as a message that some aspect of life requires transformation. Clapés' community of readers and followers consists largely of young adults. When asked about the fears or insecurities they face, she highlights the importance of understanding oneself deeply to make informed decisions about relationships. Self-love, she suggests, plays a crucial role in choosing a partner who supports personal growth and well-being. This perspective challenges traditional views on love and partnership, emphasizing the need for individuals to prioritize their own emotional and psychological health before entering into a relationship.