Shocking Notes: 'I feel like I'm drowning every day'

Lindsay Clancy, accused of murdering her three children, has been interviewed this week by multiple doctors and psychiatrists who evaluated her days after the tragedy. Their statements represent a key part of the trial, which centers around whether she was mentally fit to be held legally responsible at the time of the incident. Dr. Sejal Shah, a psychiatrist, stated that she examined Clancy several days after the incident at a Boston hospital. According to Shah, Clancy was “calm and cooperative” during the evaluation, with organized and focused thoughts. On January 30, 2023, she denied having suicidal or homicidal intentions, nor did she claim to have hallucinations or confusion, as reported by CNN. Later in February, the focus shifted toward her health condition, legal status, and rehabilitation. The defense highlighted that Clancy was honest with her doctor, and Shah acknowledged that individuals can communicate clearly and plan specific actions while still experiencing psychosis. During cross-examination, the defense emphasized that Clancy had been an honest patient. Shah confirmed that a person could fully communicate and make plans while still being in a psychotic state. Clancy’s ability to explain her desire to transfer her parental authority to her parents, believing they would better represent her interests, was noted as clear and coherent. Another psychiatrist, Dr. Jhilam Biswas, described her initial encounter with Clancy two days after the tragedy. Due to being on a ventilator, Clancy could not speak and instead wrote answers on paper. When asked how she felt, she wrote just one word: “terrified.” She also asked, “Is my body broken?” During further questioning, she expressed concern about receiving visits and the whereabouts of her family. According to the nurse, Clancy appeared tense but showed no signs of psychosis or hallucinations during the conversation. A significant aspect of the case involves personal diary entries found by police during a home search. These writings reveal that Clancy struggled with severe mental health issues months before the tragedy. In the kitchen cabinet of her home, officers discovered books and notebooks related to postpartum depression and anxiety, including a “workbook for postpartum anxiety” that remained unfinished. Detective John Santos of the Massachusetts State Police stated that they also found notebooks listing medications and instructions for their use, along with handwritten notes about medications and dates. Among the seized publications was Good Mothers Have Terrifying Thoughts, which discusses mothers with intrusive thoughts, according to CBS News. The prosecutor, Shanan Buckingham, read aloud excerpts from the diary obtained by police during a home investigation. Clancy wrote that she was overwhelmed by her baby’s sleep schedule and that the constant crying of the child heavily burdened her. “That I heard him cry more than an hour and didn’t intervene almost killed me,” she wrote. She reportedly told her ex-husband, Patrick Clancy, “I want to die.” In other entries, she expressed feelings of complete overburdening due to concerns for her three children. “I feel as though I am drowning every day,” she wrote in one entry. In another, she admitted: “As if I desperately wish for mental rest from all these worries, my mind tries to create something that would be physically wrong with me.” Among other entries, she described being plagued by severe insomnia, anxiety, and depression. “Now I have terrible insomnia and anxiety causing depression. I have no appetite, don’t know what is wrong with me. I want help. I want to get well,” she wrote. During cross-examination, defense attorney Kevin Reddington read additional excerpts from the diary, which mentioned “brain fog” and fear that upon returning to work, she would no longer be able to cope.