My Friend Went Through a Divorce and Has Had Zero Luck Dating. I Want to Give Him an … Unusual Birthday Gift.

A friend who recently endured a difficult divorce and has struggled with finding romantic connections is contemplating an unusual birthday gift: hiring a sex worker to help lift his spirits. The idea was raised anonymously in a letter to Slate’s How to Do It column, which offers advice on matters related to intimacy and relationships. The writer, referred to as “Maybe This Will Bring His Mojo Back,” expressed concern over their friend's depression and lack of success in dating since the split, suggesting that a professional encounter might reignite his confidence. However, the column’s contributors, Jessica and Rich, caution against the approach, highlighting the ethical and emotional complexities involved. The suggestion of hiring a sex worker as a gift raises several concerns, according to the column. First, it questions the acceptability of such an action both for the individual receiving the gift and for the person being hired. The writers argue that while some individuals may be open to such experiences, others may find them uncomfortable or degrading. They draw a parallel to couples surprised with a third party during a planned intimate encounter, noting that such surprises often lead to disappointment or conflict. The column emphasizes that even if the friend had considered the idea himself, the context and timing of the gift could significantly influence his reaction. Moreover, the column addresses the societal stigma surrounding sex work, particularly when it comes to clients. Outsiders often assume that those who seek out sex workers are either desperate or unable to form meaningful relationships, which could exacerbate feelings of inadequacy or shame. Given the friend’s recent history of a difficult divorce and struggles with dating, the column suggests that this perception might intensify his sense of failure, rather than alleviate it. Instead of focusing solely on physical gratification, the writers recommend exploring alternative ways to support the friend emotionally and practically. One alternative proposed is hiring a dating coach or therapist. These professionals can provide guidance on improving social skills, refining online profiles, and addressing emotional barriers that may hinder new relationships. Therapy, in particular, can help process the grief associated with the divorce and build healthier perspectives on future partnerships. The column underscores the importance of having an open dialogue with the friend about what kind of assistance he truly needs and feels comfortable accepting. The column also acknowledges the anxiety that comes with broaching such sensitive topics. If the idea of discussing intimacy or emotional well-being feels overwhelming, the writers suggest opting for a different, less controversial gift. They emphasize that the intent behind the gesture should align with the recipient’s preferences and comfort level. Ultimately, the goal is to uplift and support the friend without inadvertently causing further distress. In addition to the advice given, the column highlights broader discussions around intimacy, mental health, and the challenges faced by individuals navigating life after a major life change like a divorce. It encourages readers to reflect on the underlying motivations behind their actions and to prioritize the well-being of those they care about. By fostering honest communication and offering thoughtful support, friends can play a crucial role in helping each other through difficult times.