When we say no, why do others attack us, insult us, and try to manipulate us? We talked to an expert.

Two Slovenian personal growth experts recently discussed why individuals remain in draining relationships and struggle to set boundaries. Boštjan Trtnik, who has worked for years with interpersonal dynamics and energy work, argued that many adult difficulties stem from early family experiences. He noted that mutual relationships are often poor, characterized by misunderstanding and feelings of unlovability among partners, children, and parents. Trtnik observed similar issues in workplaces, citing frequent manipulation, humiliation, and suffering. He expressed a lack of cooperation and goodwill in these environments. However, he emphasized that the issue extends beyond external interactions. Loneliness can persist even when surrounded by others because individuals feel disconnected from themselves. A sense of inferiority, which may begin in childhood, significantly influences later decisions. Material pressures, including high living costs, low incomes, and housing shortages, create additional stress that reflects in interpersonal relations. Trtnik believes that people stay in unhappy situations primarily due to fear of change. They cling to known pain because an uncertain future appears more terrifying. This attachment creates a false sense of security. Practical factors such as financial dependence and housing problems also play roles in partnerships. Hope that problems will resolve themselves leads to procrastination. Trtnik compared this behavior to an ostrich burying its head in sand, noting that dust accumulates while conditions worsen. He clarified that disagreement does not automatically indicate a bad relationship. Conflicts occur even among people who genuinely love each other. What matters is how they handle these challenges. Constructive communication, respect, and seeking solutions define healthy navigation through difficult periods. Rok Čož, an entrepreneur, author, and mentor specializing in mental effectiveness, shared his perspective during an interview for the radio program Via Positive. Čöz grew up in an entrepreneurial environment where results and financial success held primary value. Competitiveness became part of his thinking, and success served as the measure of self-worth. Starting in his twenties, he climbed the career ladder from salesperson to sales manager, sales director, and eventually executive director at various companies. Each promotion carried the expectation that the next achievement would bring satisfaction, self-worth, and inner peace. Instead, higher positions widened the gap between his public image and internal experience. Pressure increased, and confidence decreased into a deep feeling of inadequacy. Externally, he appeared successful, but internally, he lost touch with the life he truly wanted. His body eventually signaled distress through anxiety, insomnia, loneliness, and a constant need to prove himself. These symptoms impacted his health until he feared for his well-being. Čóz realized he was hiding problems rather than solving them. For years, he beautified his life and pushed aside unpleasant questions. The burden under the rug grew heavier. He decided to live more honestly, stating that honesty is the formula for inner peace. Honesty allows individuals to stop wasting energy creating images different from reality. Acknowledging fears, mistakes, and unfulfilled desires enables real change. He admitted that well-meaning advice from others often fails to land until one experiences sufficient trial. Pain forced him to view life differently. He stated that suffering peaks when individuals remain at crossroads. Prolonged indecision exhausts people more than wrong choices. This entrapment manifests in various areas of life, particularly in partnerships. People may remain in relationships without fully committing their hearts, constantly questioning whether they should stay. Both experts highlighted the importance of listening to oneself. Trtnik identified this as one of the most important yet demanding life tasks. People often lose themselves amid environmental expectations, personal fears, desires, and established behavioral patterns. Consequently, recognizing true wants becomes difficult. Trtnik’s path changed in 1992 when he encountered yoga as a student. The experience attracted him enough to start meditating the following year. This period marked the beginning of his different life trajectory. He realized he was more than just a body, emotions, or mind. He perceived a higher self, spirit, or essence within him. He divides his life into two periods: before meditation and after. Čóz found inner peace today in simple moments. He previously believed that only one more achievement separated him from happiness. As a young director, he felt empty, restless, and anxious despite external success. He learned that major life victories are not necessarily those noticed by others. No external recognition can permanently replace peace if one does not find it within. While blaming others prevents change, taking responsibility allows transformation. Both speakers agreed that changing oneself is necessary rather than relying on others to change. The process requires courage to face uncertainty and the willingness to confront internal voids. Their insights suggest that structural changes in society, such as economic stability, interact with psychological states to shape human behavior. Yet, the core mechanism involves individual awareness and honest engagement with one's emotional landscape. The experts did not provide specific therapeutic techniques but focused on conceptual understanding of why people resist leaving harmful situations. They stressed that delaying resolution prolongs dissatisfaction. The conversation concluded with the observation that inner balance is achieved through consistent self-reflection and the acceptance of one's current state without judgment. This approach contrasts with the pursuit of external validation as a source of fulfillment. The dialogue serves as a guide for those experiencing similar struggles with boundary setting and relational exhaustion. It underscores the complexity of modern social dynamics where professional pressure and personal identity intersect. Listeners were left with the challenge of applying these principles to their own lives, distinguishing between temporary conflicts and fundamental incompatibilities. The experts' backgrounds in both business and personal development lend credibility to their observations regarding the disconnect between outward appearance and inward reality. Their combined views offer a comprehensive look at the psychological barriers preventing individuals from making necessary life adjustments.