What did I do wrong to make us such a disconnected family on vacation?

A Slovenian woman has written to a family therapist asking for advice on how to make her upcoming vacation with her family more enjoyable and less stressful. She describes feeling anxious and overwhelmed during previous holidays, noting that she often finds herself worrying about work and unfinished tasks back home even while on break. This year, she hopes things will change, but she’s unsure how. The woman, who goes by Eva, explains that she looks forward to vacations with her family throughout the year, yet they rarely go according to plan. She is preparing for another two-week trip to the Croatian coast soon and wants to know what steps she can take to ensure this time is different. Her concerns include feeling disconnected from her family members, particularly her teenage children, who seem more interested in their phones than engaging in activities together. Her husband, she says, finds peace in fishing on his boat, which contrasts with her own desire for connection and relaxation. Eva admits to feeling responsible for the family's well-being and struggles to disconnect from daily life, even during breaks. She questions whether she has done anything wrong in raising her children, despite reassurance from friends that her family is wonderful. The emotional weight of these thoughts leaves her feeling burdened, and she seeks guidance on how to enjoy her holiday without constant worry. Katja Knez Steinbuch, a family therapist, responds to Eva’s letter. She acknowledges the common stress associated with planning and anticipating vacations, especially for individuals who are highly responsible and attentive to others' needs. She notes that such feelings are not uncommon and suggests that these anxieties might stem from deeper patterns of thought or behavior. While there is no indication of a formal diagnosis, she recommends considering whether persistent worries or difficulty disengaging from obligations could signal early signs of anxiety. She encourages Eva to seek professional help if needed and highlights the value of cognitive-behavioral techniques in managing intrusive thoughts. Knez Steinbuch emphasizes that family bonding does not necessarily depend on the amount of time spent together but rather on the quality of interactions. She points out that each family member may have different needs and expectations regarding closeness and independence. For instance, the husband may feel connected through solitude and personal space, while teenagers often prioritize their own worlds. She suggests open communication about these differences could help everyone feel more at ease. She also advises paying attention to how much time the teenagers spend on their phones and whether this usage is excessive. Parents play a crucial role in setting boundaries around screen time and promoting balance between digital engagement and real-world experiences. Rather than forcing everyone to participate in the same activities all the time, Knez Steinbuch recommends finding shared experiences that allow individual interests to coexist, such as a family outing, beach activities, or simple meals together. Finally, she encourages Eva to reflect on what makes her feel connected within her family and consider whether some of that connection already exists, even if it manifests differently. She invites further questions via email, offering continued support.