Don't ask me what's culturally appropriate, I don't know either

A recent social gathering turned into an unexpected cultural discussion after a couple chose to host a celebration that included traditional attire without imposing strict guidelines. The event, intended as a relaxed and inclusive space, sparked conversations about cultural sensitivity and self-identification among attendees. The hosts, a mixed-race couple, aimed to create an atmosphere where guests felt free to express themselves without fear of judgment. However, the choice to allow traditional clothing led to a series of questions regarding cultural appropriateness and respect.

The couple’s electronic invitation encouraged guests to wear whatever made them comfortable, with specific mentions of the hosts' attire—Charlie in a suit and Sashi in a sari. This open-ended approach resulted in varied interpretations of what constituted respectful participation in the cultural aspects of the event. Friends reached out expressing concerns about whether wearing a sari was an act of appreciation or appropriation, particularly if they were not of South Asian descent. These discussions highlighted the complexities surrounding cultural expressions and the lack of clear boundaries for participants.

The host, Sashi, found herself navigating these queries with a mix of humor and confusion. She noted that many individuals, including her family members, felt conflicted about the implications of wearing traditional attire. Her Sri Lankan relatives expressed frustration about having to carry their saris globally due to her decision to wear one. This situation underscored the broader challenge faced by non-white individuals in determining how to identify and express their identities in diverse settings.

Sashi emphasized that there is no universal guide for cultural appropriateness, especially for people of color. She pointed out that the evolving nature of societal norms means that individuals often find themselves needing to adjust their perspectives and language frequently. This adjustment became evident during her early years in Melbourne, where she was expected to provide opinions on cultural issues despite her personal lack of familiarity with certain topics.

Her experiences touring internationally further complicated her understanding of identity. In different countries, the acceptable ways to describe oneself shifted, requiring her to adapt constantly. For instance, in Sri Lanka, her husband Charlie was labeled as a “suddha,” meaning white person, highlighting the varying perceptions of race and identity across cultures. These encounters prompted her to reflect on the importance of choosing terms that resonate personally rather than adhering strictly to external expectations.

Ultimately, Sashi resolved to define her identity based on her own perception. Referring to herself as a brown woman felt authentic and empowering, allowing her to embrace her heritage without being constrained by others' definitions. This personal approach extended to her decisions regarding the party, where she encouraged friends to wear saris freely, emphasizing that true appropriation would involve claiming ownership of the garment. By focusing on creating a welcoming environment, she aimed to foster genuine connections and shared experiences among guests, regardless of their backgrounds.