Are the parents all right? Why raising children feels harder than ever

Parents in wealthy Western nations are increasingly describing modern child-rearing as an exhausting, high-stakes endeavor that feels fundamentally different from the experience of earlier generations. Genevieve Muir, a parent educator and mother of four, compares contemporary parenting to learning an entirely new language, one that demands emotional intensity, financial investment, and constant vigilance over a child's development. She has worked with over 40,000 parents and acknowledges the growing perception that raising children today is more personally demanding than in the past. Muir recalls the term "intensive parenting," coined in the 1990s by a California-based sociologist to describe the emotionally engaged, expert-driven approach that became the norm in Western societies. Now, she observes that many parents are struggling under the weight of expectations tied to this model. According to Pew Research Center data, 70 percent of parents in wealthier countries believe raising children today is harder than it was two or three decades ago. This sentiment reflects broader concerns about the psychological toll on parents, particularly in light of recent studies highlighting rising levels of distress among caregivers. Australia’s Parenting Research Centre (PRC), funded by the Victorian government and the Minderoo Foundation, conducted its largest survey yet of parents and carers in May. Among the 10,000 participants, nearly 60 percent reported experiencing moderate to high levels of psychological distress. Many described feelings of loneliness, self-doubt, and a lack of self-compassion. The findings revealed that 57 percent of respondents felt isolated in their caregiving roles, while 43 percent expressed guilt about their parenting choices. Almost half believed they were falling short of their own expectations, and 53 percent struggled to forgive themselves for perceived parenting missteps. These numbers underscore a troubling decline in parental wellbeing over the last decade, with 66 percent reporting chronic sleep deprivation and nearly half experiencing persistent self-doubt. Dr. Vivek Murthy, the United States Surgeon General, raised alarms two years ago about the rise in chronic parental stress, labeling it a critical public health issue. He attributed this trend to new stressors that previous generations did not face, including shifting work-life dynamics, reduced community support, and heightened economic pressures. In many households, both parents must work to meet financial obligations, leaving little time or energy for traditional forms of childcare. Muir points to these societal shifts as key factors contributing to the current crisis, noting that the expectation to provide optimal conditions for children’s development has intensified the emotional burden on parents. Modern parenting is further complicated by the influx of information about child development, neuroscience, and behavioral science, fields previously accessible only to professionals. Parents now navigate a landscape filled with conflicting advice, creating confusion and self-doubt. Daniela McCann, director of the Australian Psychological Association, explains that while increased knowledge can be beneficial, it also raises the stakes of parenting decisions. The belief that even minor mistakes could have long-term consequences adds to the pressure, making it difficult for parents to feel confident in their choices. Technological advancements have also altered daily routines for both parents and children, introducing new challenges. Social media platforms and digital communication tools create opportunities for connection but also foster comparisons and unrealistic expectations. Parents often find themselves evaluating their parenting skills against idealized portrayals online, exacerbating feelings of inadequacy. As Muir notes, the desire to optimize every aspect of a child’s upbringing has transformed parenting into a highly scrutinized and stressful task, far removed from the more relaxed approach of previous eras.