Ah, these years! ♪ Closeness is not a luxury, but a necessity

The World Health Organization defines loneliness as a painful feeling arising from the gap between the relationships we have and those we desire or need. Social isolation refers to the objective lack of relationships, contact, and social roles. The need for closeness is not a sign of weakness, but a fundamental human requirement. “A small child dies if separated from its mother and has no other suitable contact. The need for closeness is a basic human need that does not fade with death. Therefore, loneliness is a major issue. Loneliness is pain caused by the absence of contact, which everyone needs,” explains psychiatrist Vesna Švab. Amalija Šiftar, volunteer and coordinator of the program "Older People for Older People." Photo: Television Slovenia, screen capture. Human beings are relational beings and require someone who sees them and communicates: I am here. You are not alone. This need in life does not disappear, only its form changes. In old age, it becomes especially important that a person does not lose the sense of being part of the world, that someone still needs them, that their voice is heard, and that they can genuinely converse with someone. “ If we want to be well, we must have the possibility to care for others. If people are deprived of the opportunity to share their feelings, help, and love others, to empathize, and if in their lives they no longer have an object to which these emotions could lead, this is a great defeat for them. People need love for one another, and without this we cannot live,” emphasizes the counselor. The World Health Organization placed social connectedness among the key public health issues for the first time in 2025, as prolonged social disconnection may be linked to worse physical and mental health, increased risk of heart and circulatory diseases, cognitive decline, depression, anxiety, and premature mortality. Closeness gives a person something they cannot always give themselves: a sense of safety, confirmation, and belonging. When we have someone who can tell us what makes us happy, what worries us, what hurts us, our lives gain witness. “Some studies show that loneliness affects over 30 percent of the elderly. If we are alone once in a while, it is not a problem. But if a person suffers due to the lack of contact with others, it is a serious problem that affects both physically and mentally,” warns psychiatrist Švab, adding: “In mental health centers, we treat almost a third, nearly half of the patients who are over 65 years old. Loneliness slowly enters their lives. Those who come to us usually have someone directing them there. Most of those who really suffer from loneliness do not seek help. Many lonely individuals do not see this as a problem that would justify seeking help, because they think it’s just a disease that requires turning to professionals.” Loneliness itself is not a disease. It is important how long it lasts, how intense it is, and whether the person perceives the possibility of change. Short-term loneliness can even motivate us to search for connection. It is similar to hunger: it tells us that something is missing. The problem arises when the warning signal becomes a chronic condition. At that point, a dangerous cycle can begin: the person wants closeness, yet due to disappointments, shame, or fear, they withdraw. “Shame makes us feel that we’ve been disregarded. Shame makes us feel the humiliation we've experienced. We talk about older people who have been creative, full of plans, active, very important to many people around them. So the realization that nobody cares about them anymore and that nobody needs them anymore causes a feeling of great humiliation and shame in this society, which is generally active and promotes productivity. This is a very painful feeling,” explains Vesna Švab. Old age brings some things that are rarely discussed: the loss of relationships. In an active period of life, people are surrounded almost automatically. Colleagues, business partners, friends, children, neighbors, sports teammates, acquaintances from different activities. The Slovenian News reports that being alone and being lonely are not the same. Solitude can be pleasant and even necessary. However, when a person feels a lack of closeness, conversation, or a sense of connection with others, we speak of negative loneliness. Unfortunately, we can also be lonely even in the middle of a crowd, in marriage, or within a large family. This feeling is not just a matter of emotion. Increasingly, research shows that long-term loneliness and social isolation are associated with physical health. The World Health Organization has recognized social connectedness as an important public health issue. According to their data, loneliness affects approximately one in six people worldwide. Efforts to maintain routine and regular contacts, such as a weekly phone call with a friend, can help. PHOTO: Getty Images But why or how can the lack of community affect the body? One possible answer is stress. A person who feels disconnected and unsupported for a long time may often be in a state of internal tension. This can influence sleep, blood pressure, inflammatory processes, and other bodily mechanisms. This does not necessarily mean that a lonely person will become ill, but it increases the risk. Connection with others Research links long-term loneliness and social isolation with a higher likelihood of heart and circulatory diseases, stroke, type 2 diabetes, and cognitive decline. They can also affect mental health: lonely people are more exposed to depression, anxiety, and sleep disorders. They can also disrupt daily routines. When there is no one to invite for a walk, expect at dinner, or ask how we are, daily rhythms can gradually unravel. Movement decreases, meals become more random, and there are fewer reasons to leave home. When someone gets sick, it can be harder: close ones often notice something is wrong with us, encourage us to visit a doctor, or help us stick to treatment. Without such support, the burden of illness can be greater. This is confirmed by numerous studies. Researchers in a meta-analysis published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science in 2015 compiled results from 70 studies involving over 3.4 million participants. They found that people who were lonely, socially isolated, or lived alone were, on average, more at risk for early death compared to those with stronger social ties. This does not mean that loneliness directly causes illness or death. Many factors influence health, and sometimes the reverse is true: a person may withdraw from society due to illness or aging and become more lonely. Despite this, the link is strong enough that social connections cannot be considered merely important for emotional well-being. Thus, we conclude that connection with others is part of health care. How to protect oneself Sometimes loneliness cannot simply be eliminated. A partner dies, children move away, illness limits movement, a person moves, or the circle of people shrinks with age. Advice like “get together more” becomes less useful in such cases. However, some things can still be done: we can consciously try to maintain regular contact, even if it's small and outside our usual circle. A weekly phone call with the same person, coffee with a neighbor, group walks, company, volunteering, or an activity we participate in regularly can create a sense of belonging. It doesn’t take a large circle of friends, sometimes a single person who knows how we are is more important than ten people we know only by sight. We can also be lonely in a group. PHOTO: Catherine Falls Commercial/Getty Images And returning to the body, the body also needs its routine. Regular exercise, organized sleep, healthy eating, and preventive check-ups are no less important, even if we live alone, in fact, quite the opposite. Despite all efforts, the burden of loneliness can become too heavy, affecting both the body and the spirit. When we feel that it is beginning to affect our will, sleep, or everyday life, it is right to seek help and discuss it with a doctor or a specialist in mental health.